


Jealousy: You Led Me On

by CharlieToRead



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Car Sex, Enemies That Are Lovers, Established Relationship, Exhibitionism, Happy Ending, I'm sorry I'm enjoying taggin this a lot jsjsjs, Jealousy, Jongin is Kyungsoo's dildo, M/M, Power Bottom Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Relationship Problems, Sex Toys, Top Kim Jongin | Kai, Toxic Relationship, not adressed mental health issues, vibrator cameo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:40:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29194698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlieToRead/pseuds/CharlieToRead
Summary: Kyungsoo all his life has been the overachiever type; in everything he did he was the number one, that was until his biggest enemy showed up in his life. He now has to confront him again when the Institute of Basic Science announces the 2019 Korean Science Award winner.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 28
Kudos: 77





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm dumb. This was for the Deadly Sins 2021 Fest of sEXOrgasmic but this fest was canceled and I was a wreck when important updates were made so I didn't notice until it was late, anyway, I made this with the concept fully in mind and I truly don't believe it fits other fest and I was late for the ones that accepted self prompts, so yeah Charlie is very dumb.
> 
> I want to thank very much my beta Sas that was incredible and helped me a lot and also thank my other supporter Esme, even with my dumbness they helped me a lot hahaha
> 
> Also, I really recommend listening to Jealousy by Queen it really suits Kyungsoo in this fic a lot.
> 
> This was my very first attempt at smut so I hope you can enjoy it!

* * *

Kyungsoo breathes out, he doesn’t want to feel this way, but ineluctably… he does.

The green big monster crawls on him once more. He knows he should be happy, but he can’t help but feel disappointed. He wants the award too, the recognition. Sought validation in every single thing he does, even if he doesn’t say it, he thinks about it and searches for signals of approval. But this time what hurts the most is that _Kim Jongin_ won against him, _again._

As he tries to control his anger, it’s unavoidable, he remembers his years in college with his ultimate source of jealousy, his nemesis Kim Jongin. Hot, tall, ‘too gorgeous to be gay’ perfect Jongin, with the best GPA of his generation. Popular and with time for extracurricular activities, jeopardy to Kyungsoo’s sanity if he is honest.

They attended the same university and shared four years in almost every class, majoring in biological sciences, parting their ways only when they entered their postgraduate. Jongin turned out to be a geneticist focusing on wildlife, whereas Kyungsoo specialized as a botanist.

As if life thought of them as jokes, both got work in the same university. However, their research centers were not in the same place that was a rest for the little angry man’s mind. He would have fallen into madness if he had to compete with that hassle at work every day.

The Institute of Basic Science was going to give Kim Jongin the 2019 Korea Science Award, and Kyungsoo didn’t understand the reason for his defeat. He contemplates for the award too and his work is as good as any other nominee. Guess the jury neither doesn’t have taste nor interest in leaf senescence, it’s their loss. 

To make it worse, he still had to attend the ceremony, and that bothered him to no end. He needs to smile at people he is not comfortable with and has to socialize to maintain the good side of his superiors, probably. What a disaster night it’s going to be!

Spiritless, he prepared himself for the ceremony, wearing slacks, a turtleneck, and a long blazer all in black to match his mood and honor, the burial of his chance of success. While he combed his hair, he notices a gold ring on the dressing table, and even if his monsters were whispering to him not to wear it; he decides against them and wears it on.

Proclaiming himself ready for his Procrustean bed, he heads to his car, wishing for the ceremony to end quickly. He checks if everything he needed for the night were there and drives to the concert hall. When he arrived, people from different majors were already waiting for the ceremony to start. He curses himself for not being late. 

Everyone puts a lot of effort into their appearance aside from it being an award ceremony, the opportunity to celebrate and get drunk, didn’t go to waste by his colleagues. They put excellent work in their fashion for maybe a chance to get laid or to impress other university fellas. But Kyungsoo feels bored.

The ceremony starts with a presentation. A typical speech about how science is the key to the progress of humanity. A little repetitive by now, still some get inspired by it. He cut his focus on it when they spoke about the world in need of people as dedicated as them. 

_Boring. Would Jongin give a speech as boring as this?_

Thinking about him, Kyungsoo hasn’t seen Jongin all week. He was on a field trip to get some samples of some monkeys in another town. So tonight will be the first time he will see the guy for almost a week and a half.

Just when the winner of the KSA was about to announce, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Already rolling his eyes, he took it out to see who was bothering him in the sour night.

**From: The biggest nuisance**

**_I miss you. You look stunning tonight._ **

Kyungsoo, a little flustered, ignores the text yet. As he wasn’t paying any attention to the speech, he didn’t realize Kim Jongin is the one receiving the award and the check, taking photos with the committee.

He got even angrier when he saw his enemy was looking more handsome tonight.

Pretentious dyed ash brown hair and warm hazel eyes. He’s wearing black slacks with a white shirt that was slightly unbuttoned showing his sexy toned chest, on top of it he had a black blazer too, but what made him more desirable was the long ribbon he was wearing, along with choker, it was in black and matching perfectly with his attire.

Fucking Kim Jongin, how dare he!

Instantly he felt he should have put some more effort into his outfit, but anyhow at least his clothes had a purpose.

Soon after other recognitions were delivered, the music plays for people to slow dance and drink in peace.

Without noticing, someone approached him.

‘’Soo! For a moment I thought you will ditch the entire thing!’’ said Baekhyun, his best friend since middle school and a noisy prick he can’t seem to have control over.

‘’To my funeral? Oh, lord no! I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.’’ Kyungsoo deadpanned, and that seems to make Baekhyun laugh.

‘’Don’t be like that, Soo. You know you are proud even if you didn’t win, you know your words hurt, don’t you? Also-‘’ and before he could finish his sentence, a pretty girl approaches them. 

‘’Goodnight gentleman’’ said Han Chaerim.

A beautiful new intern dressed in a ravishing tight navy blue long dress with a prominent v neckline along with silver high heels that accentuated her slim figure. Her hair was loose and straight, framing her small face that had moderate makeup on it.

‘’Hello Chae, are you enjoying the night?’’ Baekhyun, the always social butterfly, tried to make conversation with her and Kyungsoo only nodded at her. He is sour and not in the mood 

‘’Of course! I’m enjoying everything. Even the view, both of you look so handsome by the way’’ smiling sweetly at both of them, she says sweetly.

‘’Thanks, dear! Did someone catch your attention, yet?’’ and then Kyungsoo pays attention, finally.

‘’Who else, if not the star of the event? Had to admit Mr. Kim is looking delectable tonight.’’ Baekhyun’s eyes almost fell off of their orbits and were about to speak when Kyungsoo did it for him.

‘’Miss Han, do you know he has a boyfriend?’’ Kyungsoo interrupts, frowning at yet again his nemesis getting attention, but also his body feels cold and his stomach a tad entangled. The comment of the lady wasn’t settling well with him.

‘’Well, I heard some rumors but, if nothing is set in stone, you know it’s still available.’’ Miss Han winks and as if Jongin sensed they were talking about him, he looked in their direction.

‘’Oh my, there he is. How do I look, Mr. Byun?’’ Miss Han fixes the little details of her hair and dress, and somehow the entire situation entertains Baekhyun. So he just gave her a thumbs up, making her smile prettily.

She walks up to the appetizers’ table where Jongin stood talking with a jury. At first, she was just talking with both gentlemen.

Baekhyun fueled the fire a little more.

‘’Well, I hope those two have a nice and healthy relationship. It seems she... supports Mr. Kim in every success he makes~’’ the little shit dared to say.

He observes Jongin and Chaerim making conversation until the girl puts her hands on Jongin’s chest while laughing. The appalled look, a slight spark of discomfort, is visible in Jongin’s eyes. Kyungsoo fumes that he took firm steps towards them.

Jongin saw him approaching with a wide smile, Miss Han didn’t understand why Mr. Kim tensed, so when Kyungsoo stood close to them she briefly greeted him.

‘’Mr. Do? Hi, are you here to get something?’’ She eyed him like he is intruding on something and wants him lost, and perhaps he is intruding, but he has the right.

‘’Hmm, something like that.’’ He looked directly at her.

‘’M-Mr. Do? ’’ Jongin mumbles. He looks at him like a lost puppy with fond eyes.

Kyungsoo just rolls his eyes, trying to hide the red on his cheeks.

“Thought you’d stay with Baekhyun, these canapes are not that great.’’ Jongin gave him a cute pout, he had a bit of crumb in the side of his mouth, and Kyungsoo couldn’t resist. He cleans it with his thumb while intensely focusing on his eyes.

“Are you an idiot? Eat properly. Your mouth is dirty.” He hisses, too lost in his eyes to worry about where they were.

But Jongin was perplexed, and Miss Han got a little confused by the exchange.

Kyungsoo stares at the pout on Jongin’s face, wraps his hands around Jongin’s neck, and gives him a deep kiss on his soft lips. He saw the mild panic on Jongin’s face, after all, Kyungsoo was the one who wanted their relationship underwater, so it was sudden for him to be kissing in public, especially with coworkers surrounding them. 

Jongin opens his eyes wide. But the kiss was feeling nice, so he played a little. He secured his hands-on Kyungsoo’s hips and put their bodies closer.

Kyungsoo side-eyed Miss Han as he sucks in the other lower lip, sending her an obvious message. He was the boyfriend, no flirting in his watch. Meanwhile, the taller male was enjoying the display of affection. So Kyungsoo stops to look directly at Jongin’s lips that now were a little wetter and his cheeks are tinted red too.

Fortunately, she took the hint, ashamed. She walks away without glancing back at them one last time.

‘’Soo, what was that for?! We are in public?’’ Jongin saw him with confusion but hopeful eyes.

‘’Mmmh, but she was touching what’s mine, and you were uncomfortable... or do you perhaps prefer the lady’s company?’’ Kyungsoo was just teasing. He still wasn’t seeing clearly. The green monster of a different kind was creeping on him. 

‘’Of course not, Soo!’’ Jongin assured him, grabbing firmer Kyungsoo’s waist, ‘’I just thought you would not talk to me at all today.’’ and he gave him a small smile, trying to say ‘Hey it’s okay’ but failed miserably on it. 

Kyungsoo felt a pang of pain. As much as he hated Jongin, as much as he despised him and seemed his enemy, he deeply adored him. Watching him insecure and dejected on his award night, even if he doesn’t admit it, pains him. He knows Jongin and how he struggles in silence with anxiety, especially about his relationship.

And Jongin, well, he was better than him in handling the relationship too. After being together for a long time, Kyung Soo felt Jongin cherished him in ways he can’t handle. Everything he wanted, Jongin gave it to him. It was just a matter of asking for it.

He was madly jealous of the award, of how perfect he is, but also he was madly in love with him.

An idea invaded his mind to make the night enjoyable.

‘’So are you telling me if I didn’t interfere, you would have fucked her?’’ his voice was deep, full of warning but quiet, only the two of them could hear it.

Jongin’s eyes were now full-blown. He knew that tone, and always it only brings trouble.

‘’I’d never, you know it’’ A glimpse of panic could be sensed in Jongin’s voice.

Kyungsoo didn’t wait anymore and took off his hands around his hips to interlace their hands. Jongin felt something cold against his hand and only then noticed Kyungsoo was wearing _his_ ring. He didn’t understand, he couldn’t believe it either. 

It was not much, but it was their couple’s ring. He gave it to Kyungsoo on their third anniversary. Kyungsoo took it gladly then, but he never wears it and never tells him he has a boyfriend, he doesn’t let anyone flirt with him, and even as the jealous boyfriend he is; he forbids Jongin to tell who his boyfriend is.

Kyungsoo led Jongin to the parking lot exit in haste. He had a purpose. On their way out, he saw Baekhyun and by his side Miss. Han. 

She glances at them before leaving, and Kyungsoo dared to give her his best smirk. He had the pleasure to see the young lady mortified and Baekhyun laughing his ass off. They headed to the back of the concert hall at the section of the parking lot, where Kyungsoo had his car parked. 

Jongin took a cab from the hotel to the event, so it was a given Kyungsoo would drive. The monster that tingles inside him since he laid his eyes on Jongin, displaying at full force now.

‘’Soo? What are we doing here? The event isn’t done yet.’’ Kyungsoo shut him with a kiss full of dominance and intensity. He wasn’t asking Jongin if he wanted it, he was stating he will need it. No more waiting for him. Jongin glanced at Kyungsoo’s eyes, and what he saw made him shiver.

_Lust_

It was raw, red, and pure lust.

Kyungsoo pushed Jongin against the car, trapping him with his arms and putting his knee between his legs. Jongin tries to whimper, but Kyungsoo eats it up with kisses.

‘’Yeah? I don’t think we can go home with your little friend like that, Jonginnie.’’ He teases.

Jongin was ashamed at how fast he went hard, but it was inevitable a week without his man was enough time apart. Plus his beau was looking really hot tonight, and after seeing him wearing the ring, he felt he could surrender at any wish Kyungsoo had.

‘’Look at you, winner of the KSA! Let’s see if the jury still deems you worth if they see you fucking on a dark parking lot.’’ Kyungsoo smirked, and as much as he saw Jongin trying to deny such deplorable behavior, he knew he’ll give in to him, anyway.

Kyungsoo got rid of his blazer and put it on the floor, adjusting it so his knees were comfortable enough for his next act. He tried to open Jongin’s zipper and as if the younger finally recognized what Kyungsoo was trying to do, he started to panic.

‘’Kyungsoo? No, not here we’re in a freaking parking lot! Anyone cou-’’ before he could finish, Kyungsoo kissed his clothed member, making him hiss. The thought of the older sucking him off right now was turning him on a lot.

Yeah, fuck it. Jongin will surrender to anything for him, who cares if they’re going to be in huge trouble.

‘’Ah, but you do like that, don’t you, Jonginnie? being the center of attention as always, so what’s the difference between them seeing you getting an award and seeing you getting a blowjob?’’

Jongin wants to protest. There was an astronomical difference, but Kyungsoo already got his member out, and Jongin was trying hard to not moan too loud. The sensation of the chilly breeze, and how Kyungsoo is doing things to him without even trying hard made him feel heaven.

Kyungsoo gave kisses to the veins of his dick, trying to savor every part of it, almost as if he was kissing a lover for the first time, very delicately, and got Jongin battling to speak properly.

‘’Soo not teasing… P-please’’ And just to prove he was the one in command, Kyungsoo shoved the most he could of the length in his mouth, making his spit drip, his tongue trying to make movements with expertise.

‘’Ah!’’ Jongin moaned. Kyungsoo’s mouth felt good and warm, his thick lips were adorning his cock perfectly. He kept sucking as far and fast as he could. Sometimes licking Jongin’s cock like it was candy while one of his hands was caressing the balls.

Jongin was a mess. He was trying hard to not moan loud enough to attract attention. In a moment, he lost himself and grabbed Kyungsoo’s hair hard. The groan in the moan of the other let out, gave him even more pleasure to his member. Jongin tries to breathe and calm himself.

Seemingly, there was no one around, but you can never be sure. Kyungsoo felt Jongin was tensing more and more, but the fun was just beginning, so he couldn’t let him finish, not yet.

“Soo? I’m c-close.” his chin is wet now with saliva, and he was bobbing his head rhythmically with ease. 

Letting the member go out of his mouth with a pop sound, he cleaned with his sleeve a little and tapping the cock with his finger, the little devil said, ‘’Hmm, but we can’t let you come here in the open, should we, Jongin?!’’

“Ngh! don’t be like that.” Kyungsoo, while stroking Jongin’s member, opened the door of his car, then made Jongin sit facing him. His dick was hard enough, but for now, focusing on getting Jongin ready was the goal.

‘’Where was she touching?’’ Slowly the short man with the advantage slips one finger under Jongin’s long choker, feeling the taller swallow.

The poor guy only wants to come and maybe end the show somewhere more _private_. But Kyungsoo isn’t stopping. A jealous and angry Kyungsoo was a menace, especially for him. The pleasure he has in punishing Jongin is colossal, but the one he feels about Kyungsoo caring for him is bigger. 

He is not good at making conversation with new people, and he doesn’t like to be touched unless a close friend or a good colleague and he is comfortable enough for that.

He knows Kyungsoo didn’t get exactly mad at the girl hitting on him. It was common for Jongin to have people trying to flirt with him, even though he establishes limits every time and always is showing off how he has a partner.

Kyungsoo must have sensed it would give him anxiety and got angry at the touchy girl. The short man is jealous of many things Jongin accomplishes, but he gets feral when someone makes him uncomfortable or puts him in an embarrassing situation.

They started on a rough path and the younger is overly conscious of the hatred Kyungsoo once had and still harbors towards him. After all, he knows him best, even his hurtful emotions. His thoughts get interrupted when he feels a little pressure on his throat.

‘’I’m touching you and you are thinking of something else?’’ Jongin retrieved himself from his memories and focused on Kyungsoo’s face. Taken by surprise, he lets out a loud moan, the menace is pinching one of his nipples through the fabric of his shirt.

The older broke his choker and pushed the taller to lay into the backseat, he crawled over him and put a leg between Jongin’s legs.

“I didn’t like that, you spent a week away and when I see you again you are flirting with who knows who, and now that I got you like this, you are distracted?” Kyungsoo spoke in a deep voice, full of warnings and a hint of more troubles.

“S-Soo, our bosses are inside that hall.” It was his last attempt to wait to get into a hotel at least.

‘’Tsk, did I tell you to speak? The only answer I want to hear is you moaning my name.’’ Jongin gulped and sealed his mouth, preferring not to make Kyungsoo angrier by uttering another word.

Kyungsoo rearranged himself on Jongin’s lap, as comfortable as he could in the confined space he sat above Jongin’s dick. 

“She touched your arm, didn’t she?” He grabbed Jongin’s hands so he could do a fast handcuff knot on his wrists and put the taller arms above his head. “I’m not even going to close the door, dear. Let’s see if we both lose our jobs tonight.”

Kyungsoo started to grind his ass on Jongin’s dick and in between opening up the taller’s shirt to feel the phenomenal body under it.

He traces the lines of the defined muscles and hates how even the younger is superior and disciplined to go to the gym frequently to get a body like that. He might as well enjoy it.

Kyungsoo launches his mouth in one of Jongin’s nipples to kiss it and hears the other hissing, it excites him even more. He accommodates himself and starts to suck the nub fervently while touching Jongin’s dick. 

‘’ahh you are a m-mean one, Soo’’ Jongin was trying not to come only by the long teasing.

The only answer he received was the other switching the nipple to suck, now licking it like the hungry man he was.

‘’Soo, please they hurt’’ Jongin didn’t know what was the plan for the other but the nubs were sensitive enough now.

Kyungsoo playfully bites the nipple getting a cute whine from Jongin in response.

He stopped the teasing and pulled down his zipper, finally freeing his member that was unattended for too long now. He gave attention to it for a moment and then took off his slacks. 

Jongin at that moment confirmed what he suspected, this was all carefully planned. 

Kyungsoo was not wearing underwear and surely had this prepared beforehand. 

He hates that his diablo boyfriend is in control of his hands right now as Kyungsoo looks so pretty only in the tight turtleneck, blazer long forgotten outside the car. 

The tight black turtleneck accentuated beautifully his little waist and plump ass. He wants to grab and squeeze it. His dear is a sexy, pretty thing _._

Kyungsoo also pulled out Jongin’s slacks and underwear, he massaged his tights a little

‘’You know I’m a bit obsessed with your tights. They’re so meaty, defined, and just pretty. I’m a little upset we have no space and is dark so I won’t be able to see when they squirm’’

‘’Kyungsoo you know I’d gladly died choked by your curvy tights but what do you mean about mine squirming?’’ Jongin is wondering what the other had in mind, it should be something fast, they could get caught anytime soon.

Kyungsoo didn’t answer him and just reached the glove compartment to pull out a grey box that he had packed before going to the event. 

He took out the lubricant bottle, some condoms, and a little pink vibrator that Jongin was fond of.

Kyungsoo opened the little bottle and coated one finger to start massaging Jongin’s hole entrance.

‘’Of course, you would bring that’’ Jongin felt a little disappointed in himself for not guessing sooner.

‘’Blah blah all you do is talk’’ Kyungsoo got frustrated and inserted abruptly the first digit, the taller tried to close his legs.

“Shut up with the nonsense, gorgeous. I only have one strap and it’s already on your wrists.” 

He continued to rub Jongin’s inner walls and after a short time, he inserted a second digit into it. After stretching him well, he didn’t wait long to coat with abundant lubricant in his fingers and wedged in another finger for fun.

Jongin was trying hard to let no sound out, disappointing the shorter male.

“Why are you holding those pretty moans? Afraid someone might hear?’’ Kyungsoo speeded up the pace with three fingers now, deciding he had been patient enough, going faster and faster until he was always touching with every hit the magical gland on Jongin’s body.

‘’Darling, that’s the point.” 

Looking at Jongin’s neck he noticed it was lacking colors, and who if not him to paint the tanned skin with the color of the monster of passion.

He started to kiss the vein on Jongin’s neck and after biting the area lightly.

‘’Kyungsoo’’ Jongin said softly arching his back a little just to show he was liking the focus on his neck.

He started to suck the area, blooming light cherry prints that surely will turn boysenberry later. He was proud of the garden he just created.

Kyungsoo loves how he knows Jongin is ready. He could see it in Jongin’s eyes, his soft moans offering he was waiting.

So he just went for it, coating the vibrator with a good amount of lubricant.

Jongin saw him comical the moment the vibrator got inside him and the loudest moan of the night was out. “Think you can handle that much?’’ Kyungsoo smirks at him and turns the vibrator on, slow mode first.

‘’Ahh! S-Soo~’’ Kyungsoo poured more lube into his fingers so he could finger himself a little before his next step. 

He had prepared his ass in the shower, knowing for sure how the night was going to end, and with how jealous he was the outcome was predictable.

He puts the condom on Jongin’s dick and coats it with enough lube. Impaling himself slowly with the whole of Jongin’s member. 

Both of them moaned, joining bodies always makes them feel electricity all over their bodies

Jongin tried to reach him with his hands, but once again Kyungsoo stopped him. He was tied up for a reason and he isn’t done with him yet. 

Kyungsoo adjusts and waits to move. He loves the feeling of Jongin inside him and he dares to say one of his favorite activities is riding him, having the man under him, watching how worked up he makes him. 

He _loves_ it.

He didn’t bother to warn Jongin and just put the vibrator on maximum. Jongin started to wriggle and Kyungsoo started to move his hips just how he likes it. 

The control he had over Jongin was consummating him. He felt the other’s cock slowly making eights until he let himself go.

Jongin has been on edge all night, and Kyungsoo knew he wouldn’t last long. He had no problem with that; he has been holding back too. Kyungsoo kept his ministrations until Jongin’s little screams were incoherent and too much.

The car was moving rhythmically along with Kyungsoo that was bouncing with vigor and gusto in Jongin’s cock.

“Ngh! I’m c-coming Kyungsoo.” Kyungsoo was enjoying it a lot. He was now moaning louder than the boy under him. It had been too long since he saw him, even more since he touched him.

‘’Then come, pretty,’’ Kyungsoo whispered, biting the lobe of his ear. 

It overwhelmed the younger, and Kyungsoo acknowledged it with the moan Jongin let out so kissed him hard. 

They kept playing with their tongues. It was funny how Jongin even had missed the little devil’s plays. The tongue of Kyungsoo was casting a spell in the cave of his mouth and he just let himself be enchanted.

“I said come.” He heard Kyungsoo whispering on his lips while still moving his hips.

When he came, he bit the other’s lips, provoking another loud moan from him. He came hard finally releasing all that he has been holding in.

Kyungsoo starts to jerk himself off but as if Jongin read his mind, he tried to move.

‘’Lay down, let me help you’’ Kyungsoo didn’t question him. They hissed at the lost contact.

In a hurry, he did not lay down but sat on the backseat where they were, Jongin caught the plan and kneeling in an uncomfortable way he fitted himself in between Kyungsoo's legs, capturing with his lips the ignored member of Kyungsoo.

Jongin gagged as he didn’t have time to adjust himself and just shove it in his mouth, he bobbed his head a little but Kyungsoo was already sensitive and stimulated.

Kyungsoo pulls Jongins’s hair and freed his dick.

Jongin opened his mouth on time, discharging all in Jongin’s chest and part of his face.

The younger didn’t waste time and tried to dump himself aside Kyungsoo, the forgotten vibrator still going hard inside him.

‘’Please, turn it off or we won’t make it home with a job’’ 

‘’Oh!, right’’ Kyungsoo turned off the vibrator. Both were out of breath and needed a little time to get the air back.

Kyungsoo tried to get up and closed the door. 

He took the condom of Jongin off, wrapped it up, and put it in a plastic bag for trash that he kept in the car. He didn’t bother to put the lube bottle or the vibrator in their respective box he just let them somewhere in the car, later he’ll sanitize it.

He also didn’t bother to untie Jongin’s wrists and snuggled himself into Jongin’s chest, placing Jongin’s arms above his head as they were tied, so he could fit in his arms. 

It took a while for them to be comfortable in the limited space. Kyungsoo places little kisses on Jongin’s chin and the taller chuckles, tired enough to embrace him back.

“Why do you do this every time?” Jongin was a little whiny and pouting but was welcoming of Kyungsoo’s little kisses.

“Tsk. You do know you only won cause my other papers are still in revision, right? anyway, sex car is always welcomed” 

That comment made Jongin’s heart drop a little. He loves Kyungsoo with all his life and he is still in love with him as a fool, he knows Kyungsoo doesn’t mean it, he’s jealous and a moody man. 

But Jongin thinks words, especially the ones that people ‘’don’t mean’’ are like radiation, you don’t see it but are still harmful. Like gamma rays, the words penetrate to your insides, damaging every wall of love and trust you have built, finally burning your confidence. 

He doesn’t want to push Kyungsoo out of his comfort zone immediately, it's just that sometimes his scars and insecurities get the best out of him even after six years of relationship Kyungsoo still doesn't want anyone to know they’re a couple. 

Jongin was surprised to see Kyungsoo wearing his couple ring tonight, and it was more surprising than kissing him.

He says it’s for the protection of judgment that he wants to be cautious, but Jongin is a hopeless romantic even in the subtlest ways he wants to show how lucky he is for having the man by his side. 

He wants to thank his partner in his speech and let the other doctors and interns know how delicious breakfast the short man gives him every day and how he would love to collaborate with him in a paper someday. 

How their symbiosis is perfect, is like he is the algae and Kyungsoo is the fungi, their relationship is a lichen, they can’t create something so perfect without each other. They won’t even survive.

And depending on who you ask they will have different opinions of who needs or is more in charge of the other, that also describes themselves.

He wants to share that he is going home early because he has a night date with the best botanist in the world. He wants to show off who taught him to maintain good grafts and buddings. 

He wants to brag about how cute their dates are. When Kyungsoo is in the mood they’ll go trekking or camping to watch birds, and as to how competitive Kyungsoo is they would have matches of who identifies more flowers and trees. If they are feeling simple they’ll go on coffee dates or will visit their nephews.

But if Kyungsoo doesn't want anyone to know, then he won’t say a word. 

Despite how much he gets hurt he would never do something that exposes Kyungsoo to a panic attack or constant anxiety episodes, he is aware of the apexes in Kyungsoo's personality.

As for tonight, he will never say no to kinky reward sex. That’s also the fun part of their relationship; they'll never say no to satiate their curiosity, especially if it is rewarding and pleasurable.

Jongin hugs Kyungsoo’s body more tightly and with a silent sigh, he kisses the crown of the other’s head.

Kyungsoo felt the tiny sigh and the little deflated mood, but before he could say anything to the younger the other spoke, “That turtleneck is one of my favorites on you.” 

Kyungsoo’s ears got brick red and got distracted by what he was going to say “Everything I wear should be your favorite.” 

Jongin snorts but then laughs. He is right, anyway.

‘’Do you think someone saw us?’’ Jongin solicited.

“Well, if they did, I don’t know if either I should be proud of the good show or be cutting some eyes for seeing you naked.” Jongin laughed.

“Well, at least this time a cop didn’t catch us in the middle.” It was no new experience for them. Both enjoyed their exhibitionist kink.

“If you ask me, he was just a sour bastard. I didn’t give him the time of my day’’ Jongin with his lips close to Kyungsoo’s head said.

“Kyungsoo, language. and that’s why you should at least wear the ring.” Kyungsoo heard Jongin’s words carefully. He said that in a glee tone, but he knew somehow deep inside he was a bit hurt by Kyungsoo’s antics and had a different meaning. 

Jongin wanted to take the relationship to the next step, they were already living together and as the romantic guy he is, he wanted to tie the knot, but Kyungsoo didn’t even want to announce he has a boyfriend solely because of his pride and jealousy. 

So, he makes Jongin hold back on his fairytale.

It was something awful if you think about it. He had an amazing relationship and the greatest man on earth wanted to marry him, but he’s so stubborn and an awful person. 

Jongin always gives him what he wants, whatever, whenever, wherever, he is always making things comfortable for him. 

It’s not that he doesn’t care about stuff Jongin does, but he knows he is the one to make things difficult for them, even before they were together. 

The taller as the ever sweet guy he is has always been patient with him, never giving up on Kyungsoo even at the failed beginning of their relationship. 

In college, Jongin had a deep liking of Kyungsoo, and he had a deep distaste of the taller so naturally, the short guy rejected him the first time, which ended in both of them dating someone else. 

In their major, it is unavoidable to work together in a lab or two or go to a few field practices, so they have to coexist in the same close space frequently.

Jongin was a kind man and even with the rejection he still was attentive to him but fucking kid he was an overachiever, excelled in everything and Kyungsoo was still hating him for it, still does.

What intrigued him the most was that Jongin decided to date a cheating guy, everyone knew but Jongin stayed. Kyungsoo didn’t understand why a guy like him kept torturing himself like that, so he asked.

The answer made him soft and at the same time made him for the first time think of him as an idiot.

‘’I like him, he is not _the one_ , but at least I don’t feel lonely and I have someone to give my love to’’

He is the biggest idiot to be ‘’giving his love’’ to a cheater, but Kyungsoo was not going to say him that.

He compared his relationship and thought he won this time, but it felt wrong.

Their friendship and competitiveness evolve from that. Kyungsoo’s hatred intensified but did not put a name in that sentiment.

To Kyungsoo’s fortune and disgrace, and not being too late, he realized he likes his enemy way more than any other person he has ever known, and so their secret love story began.

Like everyone, Jongin has flaws. One that Kyungsoo battles with him frequently is that he keeps too many negative thoughts to himself, like tonight, on many occasions he knows he hurt him but he said nothing.

He wishes at least to be yelled at, for Jongin to not be too understanding, but that’s how his sweet Nini is. He might be too explosive about his emotions and resentful all the time. But he sincerely loves Jongin, no one would ever put up with him as Nini does.

‘’Should we go? Want me to drive?’’ Jongin asked him like the gentleman he is, even though he still had the vibrator up in his ass.

‘’I tie you, put a vibrator in your ass, use you like my live dildo, and still you want to drive us home?’’ Kyungsoo felt Jongin’s chest vibrate as he laughed. He wants to stay in this man’s arms forever.

‘’Well, we can’t go inside now, can we? Do you want to go to a drive-thru?’’ 

‘’fried chicken?’’

‘’with ice cream and beer?’’

‘’With whatever you want, baby. I’ll drive, rest your wrists just… give me a minute.”

They lay in the car’s darkness for a few more moments. Kyungsoo untied Jongin and helped them clean a bit and get dressed. 

The taller male took a brief nap in the copilot seat while Kyungsoo got them home fast. They were tired and wanted just to shower, eat, and sleep. 

At their home, they ordered food instead of driving to any place, and despite Jongin saying it’s okay not to have celebratory cake, Kyungsoo promised a coffee date later. 

The shower was a peaceful one. Kyungsoo helped Jongin to clean himself and both washed each other’s hair. 

When they got out fresh and clean, they put on their matching pajamas and went to bed. 

Jongin was using his phone to answer some texts, as Kyungsoo was lying beside him, staring at him. 

Kyungsoo was getting down of his high horse of love and again could hear his colored monsters whispering to him.

_“You should have been number one”, “Now everyone knows, they saw the ring they’re going to compare you two”, “Once again, he ruined it for you, didn’t he?’’_

“Soo? Is something wrong?” Jongin put his phone on the nightstand.

A plain frown coats his worried face, staring right at the blank face Kyungsoo was giving him. _Was he mad?_

“Soo?” But the other kept quiet and a serious face. 

_Was this because he didn’t want anyone to know?_

_Does he now regret tonight?_

_Should he not have won the award?_

Jongin feels like his lungs constrict, his anxiety is making him think Kyungsoo is regretful of all the events, maybe he won’t wear the ring anymore. 

He is angry and a little hurt. Silence sometimes gives more answers than words. 

He knows Kyungsoo gets in that state when he is having inner conversations, and usually, those are not saying good things about him. Because every time he tries to talk things out, Kyungsoo just lash it out at him.

He likes to think he doesn’t mean any of the things he says in that state, and that his apologies are sincere. He has learned to give Kyungsoo space to calm whenever he feels Jongin is stressing him out, but the actions of the other don’t help to appease the insecurities and anxiety the situation gives him. 

Maybe he’s tired and still overwhelmed by the events of the night, perhaps that’s why he feels so sensitive about it tonight. 

Kyungsoo was so absorbed in trying to canalize his intense emotions and thoughts that he didn’t hear the sigh escaping Jongin’s mouth.

But he saw how Jongin wiped some tears as he got up. Instinctively Kyungsoo grabs the other’s arm with a paltry force startling Jongin. 

“Kyungsoo you scared me, are you okay?” Jongin gets more worried at the sudden grab. 

They are not teenagers, Jongin wants to be reassured that their relationship was going somewhere, that he was not a regret, that he was more than a threat to Kyungsoo and he will keep the promises he said. 

Still no answer. 

_Am I that bad for you to hate me that much?_

He sighs again but smiles at the man that always sends him mixed signals and tries to free his hand, but Kyungsoo just grabs him again.

“Would you mind if we just say we had a one-night stand and still keep _this_ a secret?’’ Kyungsoo said, almost in a panic but like he had a brilliant idea. He didn’t even think about exactly how he worded the sentence. He just wanted to be free of the questions that would be aroused next Monday, when he confronts his coworkers.

‘’What? I don’t think I get it, Kyungsoo?’’ Jongin was lost to say the least.

‘’Yes, that way everyone that saw the kiss would think it was just a fling, so we can go back to normal. Is a good excuse, Jongin’’

He did know how little sometimes his wishes and feelings meant for Kyungsoo. He saw it coming when they celebrated their first anniversary and still Kyungsoo didn’t want to say it out loud, he had known when the short man rejected to wear their couple ring that at that time cost a big part of his salary but was given with love, just a token of their love.

But not even in a million years and worlds did he expect to be lowered as a night one stand.

“O-oh, a night one stand?” Jongin stared at him with the most pained expression in the world. His tears this time betrayed him and escape

He could not believe that after six years of relationship Kyungsoo is going to label him as a _‘One-night stand’._ Maybe his friends were right. Kyungsoo will never marry him. _Does he even want to?_

_A bigger question, does he even love him enough?_

“Okay, I’ll just go to the bathroom quickly.” He caresses Kyungsoo’s face shortly, then wipes his cheeks, just for this time he’ll just let Kyungsoo see his tears.

He leaves the bed to the bathroom.

Jongin blames himself. If he did things better, his lover wouldn’t have felt the way he does and wouldn’t see him as a curse. It must be his fault for not making Kyungsoo feel enough and secure, maybe that way he wouldn’t be something to be ashamed of.

Was he wrong in choosing Kyungsoo as _the one_? Maybe for Kyungsoo, he was not the one.

He thought they survived only with each other, enhancing the best of both together. Maybe the reality was he is just an intermediate host for Kyungsoo until he finds the definite one to have their happy ending.

When Kyungsoo heard the door closing, he let out a breath and punched the empty side of the bed. 

What the fuck did he just say? What the hell is he doing? Tonight he is supposed to pamper Jongin. But he just went into full panic mode, thinking about people asking. Fuck.

The anxiousness he feels of people comparing him with the guy that keeps winning in everything is a very big deal with him. It’s something that many don’t understand, they never will, the voices, the fear, the anxiety. No one would understand how triggering for him are those situations.

He’s been like that since he was a kid with many things and many people. He has ruined many relationships and he should treasure that he has someone that loves him even when he pulls shit like that. 

He will never catch up with Jongin, he has been above him since long ago. 

Then Baekhyun words hunt him again _“I hope those two have a nice and healthy relationship, it seems she... supports Mr. Kim in every success he makes.”_ It doesn’t feel right for him to let Jongin go to another’s arms. He is selfish, but isn’t it better to free him?

Jongin came out of the bathroom way later and his face showed he had cried a lot, puffy nose, puffy eyes, and cheeks flushing. Even like that, he is adorable, if it was another situation he would coo at him.

Immediately Kyungsoo sat on the bed. “Jongin, wait, I didn’t mean what I said I-” he tries to apologize as soon as he can, but Jongin interrupts him.

“Kyungsoo, I know you panicked and I admit I’m beyond hurt.” Kyungsoo flinched a little. It was one thing knowing you hurt a loved one, but hearing them saying it was way more _painful._

Jongin saw the wince and just sat beside Kyungsoo to hold his hand and kissed his knuckles.

“B-But you know? I love you. Even after six years I still love you, maybe not in the same way because we’ve matured with time, but enough to say I can wait a little longer. If you want to say that I am a ’one night stand’ to you, it is okay for me, I know it is difficult for you to... even acknowledge me at work. I can’t expect you suddenly will tell people we are together’’

After all, for him, Kyungsoo was the best lover. Even if in the future Kyungsoo leaves him, that’s okay. At least he tried until the very end.

‘’Maybe, maybe this is the way our love is supposed to be, a secret. A forever without the promise of a wedding where we wear rings, just the promise of a forever discreet love. That’s okay, Soo’’ 

Kyungsoo was bawling, how? How the fuck could he say something like that? It‘s not fair. Jongin was just wiping his tears and giving his cheeks kisses.

‘’Even if I’m just your intermediate host in the way of your happy ending, I’ll try my best. If you saying I’m a one night stand is all it takes for you to keep loving me then I’m fine’’

‘’Wait, what do you mean about the host thing’’ This was an emotional moment but Kyungsoo didn’t understand what that was all about

‘’I’m always wondering why you would n-not marry me, that’s a question that haunts me even in my dreams. The algae and the fungi go in their separate ways and their love dies like that, at least I perish in my dream’’

Kyungsoo was beginning to understand the point, for more awkward than it sounded.

‘’If I’m just in the way of your happy ending or until you find someone better or until you overcome every competition I can give you that’s also fine with me. I prefer to treasure this. I'll face loneliness later. But you would always be my happy ending Kyungsoo, you’re my one, since always, my fungi to this lichen’’

That was what Jongin think of him? oh my god, Kim Jongin. You weird dork.

‘’Jongin. I don’t deserve you... l-like at all’’ Kyungsoo said almost incoherently, he was crying the hardest he has ever cried in his life.

Jongin just laughed.

“Of course you do Kyungsoo,” When Kyungsoo calmed down a little, Jongin said he would prepare him tea, so he could relax a little, but the other refused to be separated from Jongin at that moment.

“I’m sorry” Jongin arranged them, so they could cuddle, him being the big spoon so he can soothe Kyungsoo.

‘’I know, shh, just sleep this one off okay? tomorrow I can send Baekhyun a text so maybe he can start a rumor?’’

‘’Baby steps’’ and okay at that, Jongin didn’t know what was he talking about

‘’What was that?’’ Jongin said calmly, petting Kyungsoo's head to help him sleep.

‘’I’ll wear the ring and say I have a boyfriend’’ 

That had an instant reaction of the younger, he moved them so he could look at Kyungsoo directly in the eyes.

‘’W-what? Are y-you?’’

‘’Not yet. Let them speculate and when I can handle it, we can announce it’’ Kyungsoo was not looking at him still

‘’Okay, Soo. Baby steps’’ Jongin kisses Kyungsoo's head thinking the conversation is over until the older speaks again.

‘’And... Jongin?

‘’Hmm?’’

It was brown.

The new crawling monster in his mind was brown, like the color of Jongin’s eyes. 

For him, it was the color of love.

Kyungsoo clasped him, ‘’I’m not ashamed of you, never, I just have a severe problem that I need to take care of and stop avoiding my responsibilities as your partner. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, you’re my endgame too, my algae’’ at the end cuddling, hiding his tears inside Jongin's neck.

Jongin was happy with his words and absolutely not ashamed of the slip of comparatives of his relationship to freaking lichens.

‘’I love you, Nini’’

Jongin let some tears he had been holding, ‘’And I love you the most’’


	2. Let Love Led Us On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After they talked Kyungsoo and Jongin had to make a lot of hard decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, welp I wasn't going to make another chapter of this fics as I wanted to leave the story as toxic as it was? lol  
> But anyway I wanted to distract myself a little today and I wrote this, you can choose to leave it with the first ending or read this and maybe think this is how they solved a lot of what was going on in the first chapter, this time I wanted it to be focused on Jongin.
> 
> It's not the best chapter and is kind of short but after some said they wanted to continue this story I hope this makes you hate Kyungsoo less?  
> Anyway, I'm starting with this whole writing process so maybe in the future with more experience, I'll rewrite this as I feel I've failed to my own story.

* * *

It has been a while since Jongin talked to Kyungsoo.

8 months to be exact.

After the award night and their conversation, Kyungsoo took a decision a week later that it was best for him to leave him. Even after all they said, he deemed it was necessary for them to work on his own problems and when they were ready, they could restart their relationship.

Jongin did not want to at first, saying he could handle the process of Kyungsoo, he could be there for the therapy, and he was sure Kyungsoo would be there for his too, but Kyungsoo was adamant that all their relationship was based on only bad things, and neither deserved to have love built on lies and hate.

So, now it has been eight months since they parted ways and seven months and two weeks since Kyungsoo moved from the house.  
Jongin thought it was foolish of him, he should have moved too, so many memories and the weight of the loneliness is overwhelming.

He has been moping so hard for Kyungsoo that he forgot he should be working on himself; he was fine with whoever Kyungsoo was, so why should he change?

Every day was as hard as the day Kyungsoo said they needed time and space, he has been sinking in work and more work, he has lost weight since he didn’t care to arrive at an empty house at noon, he now didn’t care about his fashion only wearing comfortable things like sweaters, but everything is fine, it’ll be fine because he hangs upon the hope of Kyungsoo coming back soon.

Kyungsoo started to greet him at work but still, he would not come any closer and would not say anything more than pointless small talk. And Jongin was starting to get really mad at him, if he left him to work on himself at least recognition at work would be a good place to start.

Anda good talk he will get, but he’ll regret asking for it.

It was a Wednesday when Kyungsoo came to his table at lunch. In the past few months, Jongin has gathered from their small talk and rumors in the university that he has been working out and he joined a knitting club which Jongin thought was impressive because the man had little patience and was a little clumsy.

‘’Hey, Hyung’’ He tried to give Kyungsoo just a small smile trying not to give away how loud his heart was now.

‘’Hi, Jongin’’ At this Jongin looked down, there was no ‘’honey’’, no ‘’darling’’, no ‘’Nini’’, they were colleges and nothing more, Jongin could not even say they were friends so he could call him ‘’Soo’’.It was a miracle that Kyungsoo did not say something about the younger calling him only Hyung.

‘’How have you been?’’ He did not want to dwell more into the name thing.

‘’I’ve been fine, going to my sessions, actually, I went on a trip to visit my mom’’ Kyungsoo was looking comfortable talking about his progress. Jongin thought they had hope.

‘’How is she? It’s been long since you visited her or since I know you went to her house.’’

‘’She’s doing fine, honestly, she asked for you’’ Now it was Kyungsoo’s turn to look down.

‘’Mmh did… did you tell her?’’

‘’Of course, I did, Jongin, it’s been a while.’’

For some reason, that answer angered Jongin, was Kyungsoo not suffering their breakup like he was? For what the fuck they were separated if Kyungsoo was going to be the same prick as always? If they were not going to change and just get new hobbies, they could do that together.

‘’Seven months and two weeks’’ Jongin whispered.

‘’What?’’ Kyungsoo didn’t understand.

‘’Seven months and two weeks since you moved from home, and eight months since you said we should part ways.’’

‘’Jongin what ar-’’

‘’It’s not only ‘’Been a while’’, Hyung, but I’ve also been waiting this whole time, suffered alone from a decision you made on your own.’’

‘’Jongin I didn’t mean it like that.’’

Now, Jongin was mad.

‘’Yeah, you always don’t mean it like that.’’ Hurt flashed through Kyungsoo's eyes, but Jongin had been accumulating a lot since their separation and decided that maybe he liked what he saw, maybe, Kyungsoo deserved it, so he continued.

‘’You said you needed time to heal and so we would work out our relationship, but Kyungsoo it has been eight months and you haven’t come back! You are doing all those things without me and I’m just here, stuck, crying over a man that said that will change but the most that he can do is say hi and small talk!’’ Jongin started to speak louder and to hyperventilate ‘’ Why you haven’t come back?’’

‘’Jongin, please lower your voice’’ Kyungsoo said this because he knew Jongin will be beyond embarrassed to cause a scene in the cafeteria of their workplace and his anxiety will make him not eat at it for at least a week, but apparently, Jongin caught the wrong message and just looked at Kyungsoo in disbelief.

‘’Of course, of course, you would say something like that, am I always that bad for you to be that ashamed of me?’’

Kyungsoo realized how it sounded and how Jongin was taking his comment and of course, it wasn’t the case, it has never been, but a mad Jongin was an irrational one, so he better clear things up.

‘’No! no, it’s not that Jongin is just that everyone is looking and you and I both know how much you hate people staring at you when you are this anxious.’’

Jongin was spilling silent tears now, so Kyungsoo just grabbed his hand making the younger get up. Kyungsoo guided him to his office since it was closer.  
He locked the door and with Jongin still crying he sat on his chair and made him sit on his lap. He started to caress his arms and pet his head, Kyungsoo felt the younger hiding his face on his neck so he just continued with his ministrations.

Ten minutes had passed and surely the lunch break of them was over by now, but they continued to cuddle.

‘’Can we talk now?’’ Kyungsoo asked, Jongin wanted to say no, so they could stay like that for an eternity, but they could not, they wouldn't, they were at work and not together.

Also, Jongin knew they needed to have this conversation, even if it is their last one.

‘’Why?’’ He started what he has been wondering all this time.

‘’Jongin, look at me’’ He did not want to, he was afraid of what Kyungsoo would say.

But Kyungsoo thought differently so he softly grabbed his chin with his fingers and looked directly into his caramel eyes.

‘’I love you,’’ Jongin could feel how more tears were streaming down his face and how Kyungsoo kissed the tears away ‘’But we need this, the way we were is wrong, I shouldn’t make you think you are less than human because I don’t want anyone to know about us because my jealousy, envy and anger issues,’’ Jongin just close his eyes, he was thinking it doesn’t matter he could hide all his life if it meant he could have Kyungsoo.

‘’And you shouldn’t let me get away with it. I know because you’ve said it before, but is wrong and is damaging us, you think it does not but tell me I’m wrong after what you said at the cafeteria.’’

Jongin widens his eyes at this ‘’Hyung, I’m sorry, I’m totally sorry I did-’’

Kyungsoo just kiss him so he stops apologizing to him, Jongin feels he’s going to die from dehydration from how much he is crying tonight, he thought he would never be kissed like this again by Kyungsoo, delicate, lovely, warm, not with passion and lust, just a quick kiss of comfort.

But the kiss was broken way too fast and he started to miss those lips too soon.

‘’Jongin, you were right, you are right to be mad at me, to yell, scream, tell me where it hurts after all I’ve done. After all, we have done. You are pushing you too much to hurt just for me to stay and I don’t want that, I want us to stand on the same ground and love freely and healthy. Have you gone to your sessions? Jongin’’

He shook his head, he did not have the energy to do so, he had enough with their separation to be focused on something else.

‘’That’s also the deal, Jongin. You should, not for me, not for having me back, for you, just you. Imagine if we,’’ at this was now Kyungsoo who choked up a little ‘’ … don’t end together, you can’t do this to yourself over again’’.

He knew Kyungsoo was right, but he didn’t want to listen.

‘’I’ve got an invitation to go to the states… they invited me there to finish my degree.’’

Jongin got the notification a long time ago, but he needed to prepare for everything, and as he has been working twice as hard his boss and the institute that was offering the collaboration were very pleased with him, so even in the state he was they were patient and were helping him with a lot of the paperwork needed. He just needed to travel next month to start with it.

This is why he was desperate for Kyungsoo to come back, he wanted to know they still have a chance even if it’s from distance, he was even willing to not go if Kyungsoo said the word, if Kyungsoo said ‘’don’t take it’’, he would not.

‘’Go.’’

But of course, he wouldn’t tell him not to go.

He started crying again, harder than before.

‘’No! Kyungsoo, please, just say you want me to stay with you, please.’’

Kyungsoo hug the trembling body of Jongin again, he was happy for him he was an extraordinary guy and he deserves it, he felt proud of himself when his first thought was how amazing and talented Jongin is, and not how to take him down, or how he deserves it more, or even worse a wish to tell Jongin to stay, he could never do that, never will, he prefers to let this relationship go than see Jongin miss a chance like this, not after all he has done.

Not anymore.

‘’Nini, go,’’ He heard the younger choking at the way he addressed him, he was trying hard to not make these past months more painful than they already have been, so he was calling him without any endearment, ‘’You have work day and night since college for this moment, I know your dream is to go to America and study the wildlife there, I know you are excited to go even if you are crying’’

Jongin could not even talk from the tears and snot he was trying to hold, he was sobbing hard, after so many months, finally, they were having their closure but Jongin thought that when the moment came, they would be together the next day, not with Kyungsoo agreeing to let him go.

‘’If you didn’t want to go, you’d already have said no, and you would not be working on that paper already’’ Kyungsoo again wiped Jongin's tears, and he was right.

Jongin was excited to go and it has been his dream to finish his degree abroad, that’s why he applied for it.

But he never expected Kyungsoo to leave him before he did it.

‘’How long?’’ Kyungsoo asked, still wiping the younger’s tears.

‘’... Two years’’ Kyungsoo closed his eyes and hugged even tighter Jongin. At that moment he made his choice.

‘’Don’t hold yourself back for me, darling’’ this time Kyungsoo sounded defeated.

‘’Kyungsoo?’’ And panic started to arise on Jongin’s chest.

‘’I won’t wait for you, and I wish for you to do the same.’’

Jongin winded his eyes and after looking at Kyungsoo’s eyes he knew he was being serious.  
They were over. There was not going to be a ‘’us’’ after all these months, the loneliness, the emptiness, and the pain was all it’s going to be after their break.

They were done.

Jongin understood, but he was drained by everything that had happened, so he stood up slowly and walked to the door. It was burning, all his body was burning, and he felt the fire was consuming his oxygen so he could not breathe. He started to tear up again.  
He just looked at Kyungsoo that was not following him this time. He will not follow nor guide him, much less comfort him, he was all alone now.

At least Kyungsoo was tearing up as well.

‘’Thank you, Hyung, even after all we’ve been through and after these months, I still love you the most.’’ he opened the door and when he heard Kyungsoo sobbing he knew that’s it, ‘’You know, the only recognition I’ve ever wanted was yours, not an award, not anything, I just wanted you to say I’m yours.’’

‘’Take care.’’ Was the last thing Jongin said and he left early that day from work.

* * *

After that, everything was harder for Jongin, so he decided to go back to his mother’s house. He moved from his apartment and decided he never wanted to go back there, all his stuff was moved to his old room and it would be no problem since he was just staying there for a month until he goes to the states.

His mother was a bit worried because all he did was arrive late and sleep. He woke up early and stayed at the institute working all-day. His mother knew about the break-up and she will not lie. She was a bit glad about it, although Kyungsoo was a good man, she didn’t like when he saw his son hurting, what she did not expect was for his son to be worse without him.

She thought that as with every problem and pain in life it will also eventually pass. Jongin liked to differ.

Jongin packed his things and he did not look back, it hurt so much to do so.

He decided to do things right when he arrived in the states and work hard every day as there was no tomorrow, his coworkers were a little bit worried about him. And it was not until he fainted one day that his boss told him that if he didn’t get help, he will not allow him to keep working on the project, because as much as they were excited about the paper they could not allow him to neglect his health that he sought for help.

That was how Jongin started to go to therapy, funny enough what Kyungsoo recommended him to do. He was adamant at first but when he realized he had not slept for a week straight he thought it was enough.

It was a slow process, with ups and downs. His therapist prescribed him some pills for his anxiety saying that they will work on a routine and other activities for him to do so he gets better, he didn’t even know how depressed he actually was even before his break-up, he guessed Kyungsoo was right, at least in the part that they needed help, he still was not so sure about him letting Jongin go.

So, it went like that for Jongin, and life got a little better, sometimes he still cried and had a crisis when he felt lonely almost trying not to fly back to Korea and beg for Kyungsoo to have him back, but after the help of his new friends, he thought that maybe he indeed could live without Kyungsoo.

A year passed, and he still was in contact with Baekhyun, at first the man didn’t know if it was okay to say but apparently Kyungsoo was dating someone new, a new guy from his department and they were open to say they were together.

Jongin said to Baek that he was fine, but for the next two months his monthly sessions with his therapist would turn to weekly appointments, he was devastated thinking that it had been always his fault for Kyungsoo to treat him like that, at the end he came to terms with it, maybe it was Kyungsoo's character development, so he would just leave it like he was glad for him and focus on his new life now.

Another 3 months passed and finally, he started to date again.  
No one from work because he didn’t want to make his workplace awkward in case something happened, so he just dated a guy from his dance club, an activity he decided to pick up again.

They didn’t last long, but it was the first step for Jongin to be completely free.  
After that relationship he decided he would be single for the time being and only have casual meetings if he gets too bored, Jongin still thinks that even if Kyungsoo marries someone else and he ends up also with someone else his biggest love and only one will forever be him.

His stay in the states was beginning to end when the university offered him a good job, a better one than the one he had in Korea and he finally could have all the teaching hours he needed, so he said yes, anyway there was nothing to come back to Korea for.

It went like this for a few more months until the holidays came, he decided he will spend his break going to different states as he didn’t allow himself to travel a lot in his first year and when he wanted to he became busier.

He traveled and got time to visit places he had only dreamed to see like the everglades or Yellowstone, everything was even prettier than he had ever imagined. He now was taking lower doses of his pills and only in case of emergencies he was allowed to take more, but his anxiety was getting better and his thoughts were better too.

He now knows he is enough, he has always been enough, and there is no reason for anyone to be ashamed of him, well, maybe by his teddy bear collection, but that is not the main point! Life was good.

Weeks passed and now he was ready to come back to work, he woke up early and was thinking about his agenda, he needed to schedule a time to give extra class hours for his students, he was immersed in his thoughts that didn’t notice who was in the waiting room of the office until a deep voice cleared his throat.

‘’Hmm hmm’’

‘’For Pete’s sake!!’’ Jongin saw a familiar figure sitting on the couch, he dropped everything he was holding.

‘’Kyungsoo?’’

‘’Hi?’’

Jongin forgot everything in the world as he didn’t know what the man was doing there, what he wanted, and why now he was there.

‘’Wha-what? When did you get here? How?’’ Jongin still was shocked.

‘’I came here yesterday, and the receptionist of the building told me where to find you, it was not an easy job, but some students helped me’’

Jongin just slowly nodded and was still confused, surprised, and terrified of what Kyungsoo was doing there.

‘’Do you… do you want to have some coffee at my office?’’ As he was collecting his stuff from the floor Jongin felt his anxiety starting to arise, it has been a month since his last anxiety attack and he didn’t know if he wanted to have one in front of Kyungsoo.

‘’Yeah, I’d love that’’ Kyungsoo gave him a cute smile and Jongin forgot what he asked before.

He still was as handsome as ever, even more so now. His body was showing now very apparent that he exercises frequently, and his haircut has changed, now he was totally bald and for some reason, Jongin thought it was the sexier he had ever seen Kyungsoo.

Maybe it was that it’s been a while since someone indulged him, he wondered how it would feel now to be skin to skin with this new Kyungsoo.

‘’Jongin?’’ He blushed furiously.

‘’Ah yes, please, come in.’’

‘’Oh, you have a pretty office, I like all the plants’’ Jongin gave him a genuine smile at this. He put a lot of effort into decorating his office and obviously in maintaining his plants and animals alive.

‘’Thank you, the dermestids are handful ones not going to lie.’’

Kyungsoo just chuckled and took a seat while Jongin was preparing the coffee. After setting everything up, he took from his bag a little bottle of pills and took one.

‘’What's that for? Are you sick?’’ Kyungsoo's question was full of concern, Jongin gave him another smile for that, it was still cute.

‘’It’s for my anxiety, every time I’m on a situation that could lead to an attack, I take one just in case’’

Kyungsoo looked away ‘’I’m sorry.’’

‘’It’s okay, no problem, if this could be an issue, I wouldn’t have let you in’’ Jongin tried to give him his best comforting smile, the other seems so guilty about Jongin needed medicine to see him but it was not only Kyungsoo that triggered his attacks, so it was nothing.

‘’So, what are you doing here? bringing a wedding invitation perhaps?’’ Jongin asked this as he knew Kyungsoo was dating someone before and he didn’t ask again to Baekhyun what Kyungsoo's status was, and also there was no reason for him to be here, so an invitation was the only thing that Jongin could think of.

Kyungsoo started to play with his ear and neck in a nervous manner and Jongin still found this endearing, he still wanted to kiss Kyungsoo's knuckles every time he did that so he would stop playing with his hands, but that was not his place now.

He had to remember that he had no place in Kyungsoo's life now.

‘’I actually wanted to take you out on a date.’’

‘’I understand if it’s in December I can make time to go to you wed-’’

Jongin paused and looked with widened eyes at Kyungsoo, who was red as a tomato but also looking vulnerable.

‘’What the fuck?’’ Jongin could not help himself but say it out loud.

‘’It was stupid, wasn’t I?’’ Kyungsoo got redder and got up ‘’I’m so sorry for wasting your time, I was just passing by, and yeah forget this.’’

But Jongin would not let him go that easily he ran to the door and blocked the way.

‘’No, now explain what you mean by that, I thought you wouldn’t wait for me.’’

Kyungsoo couldn’t look at Jongin in the eyes, so he just started to play with his ear again.

‘’I know, I told you this was dumb I was just pas-’’ But Jongin grabbed his face with force and made him look at him, he was getting angry at the weird situation.

‘’I said explain.’’

‘’I am sorry, okay? I was not planning to come here but it has been two years already and you didn’t come back, I waited a few weeks thinking you were having troubles with stuff and then Baekhyun told me you got a job offer here and that you accepted right away,’’

‘’This is no fair, Kyungsoo, you were happily dating someone else.’’

Kyungsoo widened his eyes.

‘’Baekhyun also told me, and I know that every one new about your relationship.’’

Kyungsoo looked down and gulped.

‘’I did’’

‘’Then why are you here!?’’ Jongin was raising his tone.

But this time Kyungsoo was the first one to start crying. Jongin knew he had no heart to torture the guy, so he did the same Kyungsoo always did for him.

Wiping his tears and now with a softer tone, he asked again ‘’Why? Why are you here?’’

‘’Because I knew you would never come back.’’

‘’You were the one who told me to not wait for you, though.’’

‘’I did’’

‘’And now you want to take me on a date?’’

‘’I do.’’

‘’What about your partner?’’

‘’We last a year and then he broke up with me, said I was boring.’’

‘’’ Hmm you kind of are’’ Jongin just felt a little pinch in his stomach and both started to laugh.

‘’I miss you, after dating and all the work I thought I could have a new start with you when you came back, court you openly and properly, and everything we have ever wanted to do.’’

Jongin was looking at Kyungsoo with fondness, after he knew Kyungsoo was dating again he thought the older have forgotten about him and everything was an excuse to get rid of him. After a deeper thought, he concluded that if that had been the case, he would not have minded Kyungsoo breaking up with him if the older had been honest, but after their separation, he felt he was in the process of healing of a lot of things and that if he had never left, he would have never known he needed to heal.

But now Kyungsoo wanted him back, no, wanted them to start again, and Jongin was not so sure. It’s not that he doesn’t still love Kyungsoo, but now he has another life, another job, he really started new when Kyungsoo let go.

‘’I was broken when I found out about you dating, I thought everything you’ve said was only to get me out of the way’’ Kyungsoo was about to interject so he could clarify but Jongin just put his thumb on his lips to shush him ‘’Now I see it was good for us, I’m not sure if we should be together again though, I have a different life here and I would not give it up for chasing a love I don’t know is for sure’’ Jongin tried to convey every doubt in his head with his gaze hoping Kyungsoo could see where he was going with it.

Kyungsoo now knew what he wanted to ask so he grabbed Jongin’s face between his hands.

‘’I’ve been working too, and some days are still bad, some days I still fear the world seeing me as a failure and I don’t want to came out of my house, but I know how to make it right this time’’

Jongin was proud of Kyungsoo saying all those things, all this scenario must not be easy for him.

‘’Are you willing to try again? Do you want to trust me again? Because I still love you, as much as I did before so if you say yes I would not hide you again, I will talk and work harder this time, instead of hurting you only because I could, because the worst thing that happened to me was to let you go, I should have come sooner’’ Jongin felt Kyungsoo’s fingers on his face he did not know he was crying until Kyungsoo wiped his tears.

‘’Maybe we should start thinking this is the perfect time’’ Jongin whispered trying not to cry more.

‘’So is that a yes?’’ Kyungsoo felt helpful.

Jongin just smiled and kissed Kyungsoo hard on the lips, he has missed how perfect their lips molded to each other, he forgot that he could spend all day just doing this, kissing him like he was eating candy, Kyungsoo licked his lips and Jongin opened his mouth, now with Kyungsoo sucking at his tongue he let a small moan and that was when Kyungsoo remembered he should get an answer out of Jongin.

‘’Wait, wait, is that a yes, Nini?’’

‘’Kyungsoo, we were kissing.’’

‘’Yeah, but I want a verbal answer, consent is key’’ Jongin saw how Kyungsoo was a little shy about what he had said as if he thought it was silly, but Jongin appreciated it a lot.

‘’You silly,’’ he kissed Kyungsoo's forehead, then his eyelids and for last his nose, putting their foreheads together he said ‘’With you is always a yes, I told you before, Hyung, I love you the most’’

Both having big smiles, Kyungsoo reached for Jongin’s hand and intertwined them, they were so absorbed in the reunion that Jongin forgot a thing that was bugging him since before.

‘’But wait, what about your job?’’

‘’Ah that, I quit.’’

‘’YOU WHAT?’’

Kyungsoo just laughed and Jongin was still surprised about what the older just said but seeing after a long time the real laugh and smile of Kyungsoo he decided that they have a lot of time to talk and ask about everything.

They are by no means perfect nor meant to be, but even after everything, they want to make things work for each other. Looking back at the Kyungsoo that would not even acknowledge him at work and at the Kyungsoo who admitted what was wrong and now wanted to make things right with Jongin, was more than he could ever ask for.

‘’By the way Hyung I love your new hairstyle’’ Jongin was touching Kyungsoo’s head.

‘’I think I look good in this style’’

‘’I kinda want to kiss your head, Hyung’’

‘’Ugh no, it’s sweaty’’ Kyungsoo grimaced.

Jongin took his chance to tease Kyungsoo a little and with a smirk, he came closer to Kyungsoo’s ear.

‘’Yeah, well I didn’t say which one.’’

‘’Jongin!’’

He started to laugh and soon Kyungsoo laughed too, this time they’ll make it right.

For eternity and more, let love lead us on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To whoever reads this thank you so much for doing so! comments, feedback, constructive criticism is always well received, sorry if I disappointed you, and hope everyone is staying safe, healthy, and full of love!

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me if you like it and what do you think about it and if you didn't like it be my guest to as kind as possible tell me why too! I love to talk hehe
> 
> My tw is CharlieToRead stay safe everyone!


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